One of the few good things about my long commute to work is how much time I have to listen to things in the car. Usually I pick podcasts because it makes the drive go quicker (I’ve listed some of my favorites here.) But, sometimes I like to put my windows down, my ipod on shuffle and let fate pick my music. Over the past week or so a certain song seems to come up almost every time I’m driving. Around the 5th or 6th time I started really listening to the lyrics and had kind of light bulb going on moment. The song is called All Will Be Well and it’s by The Gabe Dixon Band. I first heard the song a few years ago when my friend Heather made me a mix of new music. Parks and Recreation, of my favorite TV shows, also used it in a montage last year and it was amazing. But even though I’ve known the song for a few years, this past week in particular it seemed to really stir something in me. I kept listening to it over and over again. The song would end and I would immediately repeat it. Take a listen before you read the rest of what I have to say.
The first line that struck me when I really paused and listened to the lyrics was
“It is fresh and it is fruitful if I win but if I lose, oh I don’t know. I’ll be tired but I will turn and I will go, only guessing til I get there then I’ll know.
How much of my journey has been a form of guessing followed by looking back and seeing the purpose of the whole path I took to get where I am? And yet, I still find myself trying to understand and plan every single tiny thing that happens in my life. I want to get to a place where when I “lose” in some way my first instinct isn’t to panic or over think my next step, but instead to turn and move on knowing that eventually I’ll understand.
If the first line that struck me had more to do with outside circumstances throwing a wrench in my life, the next line I gravitated towards pointed out my own complicity in creating chaos.
All will be well. Even after all the promises you’ve broken to yourself.
I’m really good at decreeing that I will no longer do such and such. I will be a better listener. I will stop over thinking. I will stop worrying. And of course three seconds later I don’t listen to the person I’m talking with because I’m too worried about what a friend of mine meant when she said that thing earlier in the day. I want to get to a place where yes I continue to work on those parts of myself, but also a place where I keep sight of the fact that even when I mess up it’s not the end of the world. In fact, messing up can end up being a step to where I want to needed to go. The third line that stood out to me in this song says addresses that point.
And a mess is still a moment I can seize until I know, that all will be well. Even though sometimes this is hard to tell. And the fight is just as frustrating as hell. All will be well.
A mistake doesn’t always have far reaching terrible consequences. In fact a lot of the time a mistake, while it may detour you for a bit, can end up being a time of tremendous growth for you as a person. When I look at moments in my life where I made a clearly wrong choice I also see how that choice shaped me into the person I am today. And I like who I am today! I want to get to a place where when I make a mistake I wait before berating myself. I want to be able to wait until that mess becomes my moment.
I’ve left the most powerful part of the song for last. It’s the part that every time I heard it repeated in the chorus I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.
All will be well. You can ask me how but only time will tell.
And that’s really it right? It’s only when time has passed that we are able to look back and see that contrary to what we thought everything isn’t terrible. I want to get to a place where I have confidence in the moments where my whole world and foundation seems to be crumbling around me.
When I have no clue about the direction my life is supposed to take.
When I’m worried I made a wrong choice.
When I don’t know what’s around the bend in the road.
When time seems to be my enemy.
I want to be able to say I don’t know what’s happening, but there is one thing I do know:
All will be well.