The one where I’m more than enough

Life seems like a series of contradictions lately. It’s as if life teaches me one thing followed immediately by the phrase “but not all the time” or “not in every circumstance.” It can be a little confusing and frustrating.

“Be open; but protect yourself too”

“Love who are you, your personality, you character, your attitudes, but don’t be content to stay exactly the same your whole life”

“Accept criticism even when it comes from places you don’t trust; but know that some criticism you can throw right in the garbage even when it comes from those you do trust.”

“Strive to grow in your faith and in your ability to worship and trust God, but don’t worry when you feel like you’ve been in the same place for months at at time”

“Don’t over think everything, but don’t turn off your instincts”

“Don’t worry about everything, but have a healthy concern that you are making the right choices.”

Back and forth, back and forth. Sometimes it can feel like a tug of war in my mind. I like things to have a simple answer. If something is the right thing to do I want it to ALWAYS be the right thing to do. I’m great with living in the tension as long as it’s not a situation directly affecting me. But the thing is, most of life isn’t a simple yes or no. Most of life is found in the tension. In the moments where I decide what is the right approach. And here’s the best/worst part. Sometimes I’ll choose wrong. And you know what?

That’s okay. I’m not always going to pick the right thing.

I can’t live my life worrying about all the choices I have to make. Because what is that worry really hiding? It’s hiding my need to be perfect. I’m not perfect. I’m going to make a LOT of wrong choices. So what! That’s part of life. The biggest thing I’m learning right now is how to accept my imperfections. Acceptance doesn’t mean I don’t strive to be better; but it means I stop acting like the things I want to work on in myself are always bad in every circumstance. Taking care to make the right choice isn’t always bad. Being cautious with how open I am with others is healthy. Working to became the best version of myself I can be doesn’t mean taking out all the things that make me interesting.

I’m not too much. I’m not too little. I’m me.

And that is more than enough