The one about March 19th part two

My birthday is on Thursday. I love my birthday. I love celebrating it as long as I can. I start talking about it way before it arrives, and prolong it as a long as I can after the date. The best part? I’m really excited about this year. Why is this good news? Well if you follow my blog you might remember this entry from last year. Last year I was feeling really lost and unsure. Worst of all I didn’t even care that it was about to be my birthday. Seriously, I encourage you to read the entry before finishing this one. I think they will go hand in hand.

We like to put a lot of pressure on ourselves. “By this point I should be doing more with my life. By this age I should have this type of job. By this age I should have this type of relationship. Everyone else has these things by this age. Why don’t I? What’s wrong with me?”

I did that to myself last year. It’s all I could think about as March 19th approached. I looked around where I was and felt such disappointment. Disappointment in myself. What was wrong with me? Putting those thoughts into writing was the best thing I could have done. The terrible things you think about yourself become ridiculous when you write them down. You can see the untruth in them much better when you look right at them instead of thinking them.

Last year on March 18th I was honest with myself, honest with my friends, and honest with God about how I felt. My friends’ responses overwhelmed me. An outpouring of affection and empathy followed. I discovered that people I thought had it all together were feeling the same things I was feeling. God’s response overwhelmed me in a different way. It was like he looked at me and said “Okay, that’s how you feel. That’s not the truth though.”

My worth is not based on my location on some “life path” society or my own mind has laid out for me. My worth is not in whether I’m where I thought I would be when I turned 28. My worth isn’t in where I’ll be next year when I turn 29. My worth was decided the day that God saw me in my mother’s womb and said “That one? She’s mine. She’s mine and she is wonderful. I love her more than anything else in the whole world.”

He saw me and loved me before I did ANYTHING worthwhile in my life.

Some of the things that bothered me last year when I turned 27 are still true this year and some aren’t. But when I look back at last year and compare where I am this year it blows my mind. I could never have imagined last March being where I am this March.

I’m 28 and I have a job that has room for growth and the ability to give me financial independence.

I’m 28 and I’m taking steps to write professionally. (Even been published by a website I love-shameless plug alert go read it at the Junia Project-)

I’m 28 and made it through a health scare

I’m 28 and am part of a worship team that has just exploded with creativity in the past year. Writing our own songs, releasing an EP, and best of all becoming the coolest kind of family there is; the kind you choose.

I’m 28 and still get to talk to my two best friends from high school whenever I want.

I’m 28 and have a network of college friends spread throughout the country ready to pick up right where we left off no matter how long it’s been.

I’m so glad I was honest about my feelings on turning 27 last year. I think if I hadn’t been I wouldn’t be writing this post now. Tomorrow I will wake up to lots of texts and Facebook messages, go to work and have a delicious cake made for me by one of my coworkers, and go out to dinner with my parents. Tonight I’ll meet up with my church family for dinner and good music. I’ll laugh and take pictures and have the best time. And then I’ll be 28. And a whole new year will stretch before me.
I can’t wait to see where I am next March

Advertisements