The one about…

It’s probably strange to have a favorite punctuation mark. It’s something most people have not thought about. However, I do have a favorite punctuation. You’ll find it in all of my writing, whether it’s a blog post, an email, or a text message. What is it? Well…

Do you get it? I made a little joke. Because of course I’m talking about ellipses. I love an ellipsis. I purposefully insert them into everything I write. I love seeing them in the books I read. Ellipses can mean several things. They can indicate a hesitation in someone’s speech, maybe due to nerves or trying to find the perfect thing say.

“When I said that I didn’t mean…I didn’t want you to think…I didn’t intend to make you feel bad.”

They can mean someone is trailing off in their thought. Leaving the words unsaid, but yet said at the same.

“I thought he and I wanted the same….oh well it doesn’t matter now.”

But mostly what I think of when I see an ellipsis is this…the sentence isn’t over yet.

In essence that’s what every use of an ellipsis means. The sentence, the idea, the story isn’t over yet.

I love seeing an ellipsis in the book I’m reading. I hate sensing an ellipsis in my life. We’ve all been there thought right? We’re in a job we don’t feel passionate about and we know we won’t be there forever but there’s no other prospect on the horizon. We’re on the precipice of a new relationship but haven’t had that moment of honest conversation about how we feel. We know life is about to change in a big way but the specifics of how haven’t yet come into focus. And there they are…metaphorically telling us the sentence isn’t over.  Something else is coming. But we don’t know what it is…yet.

What makes an ellipsis something I cherish in my writing but loathe in my life? I think it has to do with the thing that’s behind almost every issue I face…a need to control. I want to know what’s going to happen to me every moment of every day of my life. Before I take a step in any direction I want to know what comes after that first step, and what comes after the second step, and on and on until I know the whole journey. When I write and I put an ellipsis in I’m not concerned. It’s the illusion of not being in control. After all, I’m the author; I know how the sentence ends. When I come across a metaphorical ellipsis in my life, I start to worry. Because I don’t know how that sentence ends.

My life the last few months has been all about learning how to live in the ellipses. So much of what I want to understand remains elusive.

I’ll become a published author…

I’ll start my next romantic relationship…

I’ll be financially stable…

I’ll overcome my insecurities…

I’ll reconcile broken relationships…

I’ll get the answers…

How do I live in the ellipses? I keep going. I don’t sit in perpetual stillness waiting for the end of the sentence. I do what I know I can do right now in this very moment. I embrace the suspense. When an author uses an ellipsis it usually means something surprising is coming. An ellipsis is that moment when the roller coaster has hit the apex but hasn’t started its descent. When you can feel the wind still for just a moment and your stomach swoops inside you because you know the adrenaline accelerating fall is coming soon. An ellipsis is about anticipation. Something’s coming, and it’s going to be good.

But the best way to live in the ellipses? Trust that the author knows the ends of the sentence.

“You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was thought out before a single day had passed.” Psalm 139: 16 (NLT)

Do I believe that the author of my life loves me? Do I believe he moved heaven and earth to be in a personal relationship with me? Do I believe his plans for my life are good and perfect? Do I trust that his timing is perfect? I do. I believe those things with all of my heart. And so, even though it’s the most difficult thing for me to do, I will do it. I will wake up every morning and live in that suspenseful tension of not knowing what the day will bring, and where I’ll be at the end of it. I’ll trust that the author knows what he’s doing. He knows not just the end of sentence, but the end of the chapter; the end of the story itself. I can move forward in the ellipses and have no fear. God’s writing my story. He knows where I’m going. My job is to move forward moment by moment, step by step, and trust the author.

It’s not easy. It’s a choice I have to make every moment of every day. Some days I fail. But I’m going to keep trying. I’m determined to let go of my need to control everything. I’m determined to embrace the unknown; to delight in the metaphorical ellipsis.

So what’s next?

Well…I don’t know…but as soon as I do….oh….you’ll know…

   PC: Tika Siburt

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7 thoughts on “The one about…

  1. specialkkluthe says:

    Love this! I also find comfort often by “zooming out” and looking at my life from God’s view — the big picture. I had never thought about my favorite punctuation before but I would definitely choose the em dash — can’t get enough! 😉

    • saaybesays says:

      Thank you so much for you comment! I also live the em dash- although I don’t think I use it enough! I’ve gotta change that 😉

  2. Malinda says:

    I differ with most people here; I found this blog post I coul™nâ€dt stop until I finished, even though it wasn’t just what I had been searching for, was still a nice read though. I will instantly get your blog feed to stay in touch of any updates.

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