The One about Confession

This post is dedicated to the people in my lifegroup. Not just the ones I currently attend, but every group I have ever been a part of. You are the people who have kept me in the church in the moments when all I wanted to do was leave it.

Confession has never been a part of my church experience

At least not in the traditional way

There has never been any kneeling in a dark room

Telling someone my misdeeds and receiving instruction on how to make amends for them

And yet I’ve done my share of it my whole life without realizing it

Sitting on the low couch voices murmuring quietly

With cups of tea in hand and snacks at the ready

With a quavering voice

Hands twisting with nerves in my lap

Tears already forming in my eyes

I can’t ever seem to be honest without them making an appearance

I open my heart and share

Not just the things that look good

Not just the sanitized parts of myself

But the ugly parts

The parts that are concerned only with my well being

The parts that villainize others and deify myself

The parts that show how petty I can be

How selfish I can

How stubborn I can be

But here is what’s so amazing

When I’m honest about my struggle

They are there to nod their heads

“Us too” they say

“You aren’t alone”

“We’ve been there too”

When one of us is honest it frees the rest of us to do the same

We are not perfect

Why do we try to project that we are?

We are afraid we won’t be accepted

But here in this room we are accepted

We are loved

We are safe even if we are not always comfortable

Brokenness breeds wholeness

Not just in our individual souls

But collectively.

It knits us together and we become

The Church

  

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