The one about the lies we tell ourselves

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the lies we tell ourselves. Maybe we didn’t start out telling them to ourselves. Maybe first they were told to us, by people we loved and trusted. People who never intended hurt in their words, but gave it anyway. Or maybe the lies were told to us by people that on the surface we couldn’t have cared less about. But yet the lies still burrowed under our skin, put down roots and started to grow. And before we knew it, they were lies we told ourselves. We repeated them over and over again and soon they become our truth. Each time we heard them we tied ourselves up a little more. Until we couldn’t move from the lies that held us captive.

“What lie have you believed so much it’s become part of who you are?”

The text was written by a friend in a moment of extreme vulnerability and weakness for me. I had been reminded of a certain lie. A lie I had been told enough that I had accepted it as the truth; started telling it to myself instead of waiting for others to tell me.

I have lots of lies I tell myself but this is probably the most pervasive one, the one that popped in my head the moment I read that text…

I’m too much

Too much energy

Too much work

Too much intensity

Too much to handle

It’s a lie that has been said to me by people who never meant to hurt me when saying it. “Oh Janelle you’re so intense.” “Oh gosh here she goes again, another day another rant.” It’s a lie that’s been said to me by people who definitely wanted to hurt me when saying it. “Why is everything such a big deal to you!” “Can you just give it a rest?” “You’re driving me crazy, I can’t do this anymore.” “You set people up with unrealistic expectations so they have no chance of success and then you can lord their failure over them.”

And somehow over time I started to believe the lie. It stopped being a lie and become the truth. The first thing that came with my belief of the lie was the determination to fight it. I was too much? I would stop being too much. I would keep quiet. I would let everything go. I would fit myself into a tiny box so I didn’t scare people away. I wouldn’t be too much to handle. I would be easy to handle. Easy and light.

Obviously, this did not work and so I tried a second tactic; embrace the belief. I was a lot to handle. Let’s revel in it. I wouldn’t ever stay quiet. Everything was an important issue. You can’t handle me? You’re damn right you can’t. I’m a handful and if you don’t like it? Tough luck; this is who I am.

And yet I didn’t feel any better embracing the idea that I was too much than I had when I was actively fighting against it. In fact I almost felt worse. And I couldn’t get a grip on why. And then it hit me.

It was a lie

So no matter how I dressed it up I wasn’t going to feel comfortable wearing it. I had tricked myself into believing that this was who I was. Someone who was too much. Too loud. Just….too much. The lie had become a part of my soul and I had to figure out how to get it out. I knew the answer to the first part of the text, but I couldn’t find the answer to the rest of it. The part that said “Every single lie you’ve ever believed, be set free. Be set free right now.” How could I make that happen? What could I do? Lying in bed night after night wide awake listening for what, I didn’t know. Until I heard the small voice in my spirit whisper.

“You’re too much?

You’re made in my image daughter

Am I too much?

Don’t ever call my creation too much

You are mine

You existed in my thoughts since before the world came into being

You!

You, exactly as you are

Take this lie off of you

Be set free from it

Put on the truth of my words

You are fearfully and wonderfully made

Don’t squeeze yourself into a box that wasn’t made for you

I’ve made you the way you are for a purpose

And anyone that can’t see that?

That’s their problem

When they throw the lie that you’re too much at you, remind them who’s you are

Mine

Forever and always

Mine”

I’m not going to pretend that it’s been smooth sailing forever since then. There are still days where I give in and pick up that old lie. But, I’m learning that as quickly as I pick it up I should throw it back down. I don’t have time for garbage; I have things to do. People to meet. A world to change. And so do all of you. What lie have you been believing about yourself? Throw it away. And pick up the truth of who you are. A person created in the image of an Almighty God who never makes mistakes. Goodbye lies, hello truth.

We’ve got things to do. 

PC: Tika Siburt

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4 thoughts on “The one about the lies we tell ourselves

  1. specialkkluthe says:

    I have struggled in the past with just feeling like who I was was wrong. That I should be different. The only thing that brought me peace was exactly what brought you peace: I am who God created me to be and I am made in His image.

    • saaybesays says:

      Thank you for comment…I really think the only thing that creates peace in our lives is looking for validation not with other people but with God n

  2. Linda says:

    Amen to all the above! I have discovered that the way I relate to my children is different than I use to relate to Leon. Leon as a husband “put up” with some negative traits that are handled differently with grown children. So I agree with all you say and would add that God is still smoothing over edges like a river rock or shell in the ocean that has been perfected by the ebb of low and high tides. Flowing with the current and perfecting what was created. For we all are transformed and change with each season or “tide.” He isn’t done with us until we are on the other side of eternity.

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